just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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