How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
