just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
