A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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