whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
