return my video game
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Randomize
