I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Randomize
