mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
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