YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
this is an emotional support booty call
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
