i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
