his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
