new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
