My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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