yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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