yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I think I am morally bankrupt
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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