I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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