Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Dicks are not precious.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
