I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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