You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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