her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
