Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
What a fucking waste of an outfit
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
