You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
foreskin is a definite game changer
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
