I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
