He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
