I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
