I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
