it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
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Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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