I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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