I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
