Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
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