I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
