I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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