dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
