Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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