you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
