pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize