the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
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She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
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We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
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