How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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