She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
