i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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