Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
