That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
