I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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