Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
