I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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