I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
