a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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