The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
