Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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