its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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