We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
