Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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