I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
