the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
