How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
