Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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