I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
