Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
