my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
