wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
