we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I fill condoms, not promises.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
