Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
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i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
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You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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