I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
