TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
